Faith seeking understanding, my personal journey towards a deeper knowledge of and intimacy with God, the cosmos, humanity and myself through thoughts, words and (occasionally) images, is a series of [hopefully] daily reflections I’m writing with the purpose of publishing something on a regular basis for others to read, either here, at or among my writings at

Photo by Zbysiu Rodak on Unsplash.

Very often I wonder how I am doing.I wonder this on days like today where I spent a significant amount of time under a blanket on my day bed listening to podcasts about theology. It seems I was getting nothing done. But I think, in retrospect, these times are necessary for me. They are fallow times. They are times where I gather and replenish my strength so that when seeds are planted, I have something to feed them.

They are the times when it appears that there is little or nothing going on.

But then I need to ask the question: to whom does it matter if there is anything going on? Do I have some audience I need to entertain? Some external watcher in danger of being bored? Of disapproving of my level of external activity?

I realize this is pressure I am putting on myself. Needless pressure. Nobody is watching. And, if there were someone watching, I don’t think I should care what they see.

This is a strangely liberating thought. A strangely freeing recognition that I have lived a significant portion of my life as if I were being watched and critiqued, judged and condemned for how much I do or do not get done in a day.

I no longer need to live that way.

I can set myself free.

And just live.

Which sometimes will look like me running around getting stuff done.

And sometimes will look like me lying under a blanket absorbing warmth and information.

Both, in balance, are good and worthy things.

I am grateful to this space as a place where I can honestly be myself.

Sure, I’d like to entertain.

Sure, I’d like to instruct.

Sure, I’d like to produce.

But I must remember that my first job, my first step is to show up, however I am at the time, and share my truth as honestly as I know how.

That is enough.

That is enough.

I am enough.

Thank you for your time and attention.
I’d love to know your thoughts on what you’ve read.
Please comment, below, or email me at
May God richly bless you on your journey.

Unless otherwise noted, this page and its contents © 2018-2020 Jon Carl Lewis.

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