My Queer/Gay Identity

“I just want to be loved for who I am.”

—from “Hey, Jesus,” on the album Love is Love, written and performed by gay, Christian songwriter Trey Pearson
A gay pride rainbow flag with a cross superimposed.

I am a gay man, i.e. a cisgender man who finds himself attracted aesthetically, romantically and erotically to other (usually cisgender) men. My pronouns are “he/him/his.”

I consider myself Queer because I feel a kinship not only with cisgender gay men, but lesbians, transgender persons, bisexuals, gender-fluid people… i.e. the whole matrix.

Coming to accept and affirm these identities has been a long journey. There have been many obstacles—internal and external—to my coming to an understanding of a Gay/Queer identity as something positively created for a reason by God.

I was raised by loving parents who believed that the Bible which they revered taught that homosexuality itself—let alone homosexual acts—were both a sin and a choice. I, myself, was an avid and eager reader of the Bible from an early age, and my own interpretation of the scriptures was that God condemned “men who lie with man as with a woman,” are “abusers of themselves with mankind,”

I also knew from an early age that I was attracted to other boys. Girls were interesting as friends, but there was something about the intensity of my desire for male friendship that seemed unusual, even to me. I remember taking special delight in playing tag, trying to catch the other boys (especially when they were shirtless). I also felt great frustration, too; I was younger and smaller than the other boys in my class and I simply wasn’t able to keep up with them. Plus, I had asthma. Plus, they were white and I was black. I’m not sure how much the latter had to do with it at that age, but I always wondered if I would be able to have more intimacy with the other boys if I were white.

More to come…

Thank you for your time and attention. Unless otherwise noted the contents of this website are © 2018 Jon Carl Lewis. You can get in touch with me at joncarllewis@gmail.com. May God richly bless you on your journey.

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